i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
