I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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