Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
