i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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