we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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