You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize