capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
