the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
