What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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