two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
