This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
