And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
