You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
