I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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