If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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