i just wanna soil my oats bro
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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