Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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