you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize