grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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