Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
