Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
