Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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