my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
