Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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