my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
