when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
