I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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