someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
