woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
