i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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