A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
