So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
