he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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