You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
