Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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