New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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