I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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