wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
