I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
