he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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