yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
