it hurts more in the daytime
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
