I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
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