hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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