The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You pole danced in your parka.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
