Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
