Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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