Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
