on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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