Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is the high leading the old right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
