how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
