Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
