He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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