omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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