my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
