My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I will pee on everything he values.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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