She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize