Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
