the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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