I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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