Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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