We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
