Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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