Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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