I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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