And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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