her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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