Kiss
Puke
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
