with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
