seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
