Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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