He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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