You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
