he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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