i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
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Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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