we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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