Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
