There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
