We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
